Yes Miss Susan
by Kaylzee
Summary: A Discworld x over, Susan is the new DADA teacher...need I say more!
1. Unleash the bogeymen

  
  
  
  


Yes Miss Susan

  
  
  
  
  
Ok I don't own Harry Potter or Discworld so no sue. 

  
  
  
  
  
Susan from Discworld becomes the new defense against dark teacher...need I say more   
  
**********  
  
  
Dumbledore looked from the paper in his hand to the young woman in front of him, there was something about her that made him feel uncomfortable and he could usually feel comfortable around just about anyone. Maybe it was the way that she looked at him, it wasn't a threatening look either, it was cool and calm but he just didn't want to see it again. It made him feel as if he was a child and she was a strict teacher that would not accept the excuse "my dog ate my homework", in fact if the dog saw the look it would probably have _helped_ him with his homework.  
  
  
"Professor Dumbledore"  
  
  
Her voice brought him from his thoughts "Ah yes, Susan, I shall have a teacher show you the way to your room". Susan had long silver blonde hair tied into a tight bun with one black streak through it, in Dumbledore's opinion she was the most extra-ordinary girl he had ever seen (and yes he had seen a LOT of strange girls).  
  
  
"Professor Dumbledore I would prefer it if you called me _Miss_ Susan and I believe that I can find my own way there"  
  
  
Dumbledore looked away; she was giving him that look again. When he came back to his senses he realized what she had just said. "Miss Susan I believe it is your first time in this castle"  
  
  
"Trust me Professor, I am capable of finding my own way there"  
  
  
"Ah yes, well your things have already been sent down" Dumbledore shifted uncomfortably in his seat  
  
  
"Professor Dumbledore"  
  
  
"Yes Miss Susan"  
  
  
"I believe you meant to say that my _luggage_ has been sent to my _room_"  
  
  
As Susan, or rather _Miss_ Susan left the room Dumbledore could not help but feel that this year was going to be even more interesting than he thought. Of course he also had the usual question that all of Miss Susan's employers got. "Who is this girl?"  
  
  
**********  
  
Susan walked down the hall towards her room, it was her first time at the castle but she already knew it like the back of her hand, as if she had always known.  
  
  
"Hello there"  
  
  
Standing in front of her, Susan found one of the largest men she had ever seen.  
  
  
"Haven't seen you around ere before, you a visitor or somethin"  
  
  
"Actually I'm the new Defense against dark Arts teacher"  
  
  
Hagrid scratched his head while he processed these thoughts "Oh. then you'd be Professor Sto-Helit"  
  
  
"I go by that name"  
  
  
"Hagrid, Rubius Hagrid, it's nice to meet yeh"  
  
"It is a pleasure to meet you too Hagrid, I heard that you were the games keeper"  
  
  
"Actually I take Care of Magical Creatures too" Hagrid said puffing out his chest in pride.  
  
  
"Oh then you work with a lot of interesting creatures"  
  
  
"Yep, Hey I just got some garbinikiles, would yer like to see em"  
  
  
"I have some work to do but I suppose it can wait"  
  
"Great" Hagrid exclaimed excitedly  
  
  
Susan soon found that the Garbernikiles greatly resembled the scissor man, they were covered in blades and constantly slicing at each other. Why Hagrid thought that these creatures were suitable for students, was beyond any reasoning of Susan's, in fact she thought they seemed remarkably like the perfect gift for the governess that had worked before her several years ago.  
  
  
"Well what do yeh think?" Hagrid said in high sing song voice.(well as high as his voice could possibly go)  
  
  
"They're very umm...interesting"  
  
  
As Hagrid remained oblivious to the fact that Miss Sto-Helit seemed to think they were quite dangerous, he chatted to her excitedly.  
  
  
Suddenly something leapt out of the shadows and Hagrid turned his head in suprise.  
  
  
Standing in front of them was an older man.  
  
  
Hagrid gasped. "Dad"  
  
  
"Hagrid, I am very ashamed of you"  
  
  
The man took a side take to the woman beside Hagrid, who was currently standing motionless as if in a trance, and froze himself. His eyes widened in fear has her hand reached down into her robes, he knew what was coming next.  
  
  
Susan sighed and pulled the poker out of her robes. "I thought I might be needing this"  
  
  
**********  
  
  
Well what did ya think, please review and tell me what ya think kay ^^ I am also aware that Hagrids fear is really corny but it's all I can think of at the moment.  



	2. Peeves and the poker

  
  
  
  


Yes Miss Susan

  
  
  
  
  
Ok I don't own Harry Potter or Discworld so no sue. 

  
  
  
  
  
Susan from Discworld becomes the new defense against dark teacher...need I say more   
  
**********  
  
  
Hagrid was vaguely aware that for a second his dead father who had been standing there a minute ago, was now a hairy, beastlike creature that was on its knees begging Miss Sto-Helit to put away a long, thin object. (A stick if you want to be specific)  
  
  
"And you promise not scare any other residents at this castle"  
  
  
The Bogeyman processed these words, and then obviously making up his mind he started nodding vigorously.  
  
  
Susan paused "or visitors"  
  
  
"_no visitors_"  
  
  
"No visitors" Susan repeated sternly.  
  
  
"But they're the most fun!" protested the Bogeyman.  
  
  
"I don't care whether they're fun or not, just don't scare them!" Susan said even more sternly.  
  
  
"How but we go fifty-fif-"  
  
  
"NO!"  
  
  
"Come on" the bogeyman protested putting on a voice dripping with cuteness, you know the sort of voice a child uses on their parents.  
  
  
Susan's left eye twiched. "Absolutely not!"  
  
  
"That's so unfa-"  
  
  
The Bogeyman froze again as the poker re-emerged from Susan's robes.  
  
  
"Fine" It whinned huffily before dssapearing in a puff of somke, or was it a puff of logic.  
  
  
Susan took that moment bring Hagrid out of his shocked stupor, then finish making her way to her allocated room.  
  
  
**********  
  
  
Susan was down in her room now, she had been for several hours pouring over the organizing of her class reports which the caretaker Mr Filch had so kindly given her in fact if he had been any more happy about giving them to her, Susan ws pretty sure he would have _gift wrapped_ them. Susan was now deciding as to how to go about getting a select few people to work.  
  
  
"Can you not see that I am working"  
  
  
Peeves the polterguist had just floated through her wall, obviously expecting someone else.  
  
  
"Loopy loopy Lupin" sang peeves in a high singsong voice, his eyes widening in suprise for a moment before they narrowed once again, into a nasty grin. The sort of grin that naughty little boys have before they slip worms into your sandwich.  
  
  
"I beleive that you are being quite rude at the moment" said Susan although the insult wasn't aimed at her.  
  
  
With that she returned to her work.  
  
  
Peeves eyes sparkled mischeviously "They never said a _girl_ was taking the job"  
  
  
Susan's eyes narrowed as the poker emeged from her robes hanging losely by her side in her hand.  
  
  
Peeves had not been unfortunate enough to encounter the poker, thus he was completely ignorant, oblivious and taking the wrong approach to the situation brewing at hand. He simply kept on taunting her.   
  
  
"Ooooooooh I'm soooooooo scared"  
  
  
Before Peeves could do anything else the poker had made contact with his head, it _didn't_ go through him.  
  
  
Susan sighed "And school hasn't even started yet"  
  
  
A very sore Peeves floated through the wall that day,a very sore and vengefull Peeves.  
  
  
**********   
  
I know this chapter is knida short... and late, but don't worry more is on the way! I have many reasons for not updating in well, half a yr (or was it longer?) Anyways, a mixture of exams, computers crashing and having extensive writers block does not bode well for a story. You will notice that my writing style has changed a little but this chapter is mostly the same due to the fact that most of this chapter was written close to the first one. Don't ya hate it when you have no idea how to end a chapter!  
  
  
Anyways enjoy.  
  
  



	3. The Grim Squeaker strikes!

Yes Miss Susan  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Ok I don't own Harry Potter or Discworld so no sue.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Susan from Discworld becomes the new defense against dark teacher...need I say more   
  
**********   
  
Albus Dumbledore admired the view from a window as dawn crept over Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry. He had just finished talking with several Members of the Order of the Phoenix and the aftermath of their conversation had left him slightly confused. The whole world knew Voldemort was back (At least the part that knew who he was) so he had the support he hadn't had last year, but that wasn't what bothered him. What bothered him was that some unexplainable new elements had been added to the battle. Like the band of witches and wizards they had captured thinking that they were Death Eaters, the people had refused to talk at first but informed them that they had been hired by the Auditors after some interrogation. Who were the Auditors?  
  
  
  
  
  
Another thing happening was that the natural balance of things was going completely haywire, Dumbledore didn't actually know how it was, it just was. Anyway, he had a knack for these sorts of things.  
  
  
  
  
  
Another new arrival was that of his new DADA teacher, Miss Susan.  
  
  
  
  
  
**********  
  
  
  
  
  
It was dawn already and Susan had finished unpacking her belongings. Well the truth was that she hadn't taken long to pack, she had taken more time to finish reading the records Mr. Filch had so kindly given her, she probably should have been up at the teachers lounge introducing herself to her new co-workers but She, Susan was not a very social person. In fact most of the adults she spoke to did so out of necessity. Susan looked at her clock; it should have been almost time for dinner. The key word was should; Susan had started noticing things on her way to Hogwarts that other people wouldn't. Like now, Susan had checked the clock half an hour ago and left with exactly the same result as now. Her clock hadn't stopped, it never stopped, and it was a gift from her grandfather. In fact the sunset had lasted a little longer that sunset's usually do today as well. The thing was that nobody else noticed these subtle changes in the general flow of how the world worked. Some people might have an odd sense of de ja vu or just a feeling that something wasn't right, but they never noticed them.  
  
  
  
  
  
This was what made Susan different from the rest of the world. Just as Susan was pondering this, an ornament fell off one of her shelves with a loud crash and a shadow made it's way somewhat sheepishly along to the other end.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You do not exist, you are just a figment of my imagination" Began Susan in an almost futile attempt to shoo it away.  
  
  
  
  
  
The shadow jumped down from the shelf and scampered across the floor before making a prominent "SQUEAK" before jumping and landing on her desk.  
  
  
  
  
  
The death of Rats reached into its robes and brought out a fancy looking hourglass. As if to emphasize the hourglass it held it up and pointed at the name printed across the bottom. "SQUEAK!"  
  
  
  
  
  
Susan looked down unaffected. "Tell him to do it, it's his job"  
  
  
  
  
  
The death of rats, also known as the Grim Squeaker shook its skull. "SQUE EE EK"  
  
  
  
  
  
Susan sighed again before answering. "I made it quite clear last time that I was, and will not be involved in this"  
  
  
  
  
  
"SQUEAK SQUEAAAAK SQUEEEAK"  
  
  
  
  
  
Susan caught the reference and narrowed her eyes. "I'll give you getting something out of the last one"  
  
  
  
  
  
The Death of Rats was of course referring to Lobsang.  
  
  
  
  
  
Just as Susan was about to retaliate she heard a knock at the door and the Death of Rats dissipated through the wall. Susan's visitor knocked again, this time a little louder so she got up and walked to the door, she was going to have a little talk with the Death of Rats next time they met.  
  
  
  
  
  
The brass door handle clicked as the door opened and Susan found herself faceining a man that could have passed for a vampire. His pale skin stood out with his overly large nose against a mop of greasy black hair.  
  
  
  
  
  
The man spoke "Professor Dumbledore has asked me to escort you to dinner, Professor Sto-Helit" He emphasized the last words in a mocking tone. Once again Susan narrowed her eyes.  
  
  
  
  
  
"I Believe I can find my own way there professor-" She paused the kind of pause that clearly said he should state his name.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Snape" he replied silkily before half closing the door and pausing. "Very well Professor Sto-Helit, it would be a shame if you missed dinner. We wouldn't want our newest staff member getting lost on the way now would we? He closed the door fully after adding that it would have been extremely impolite for her to be late.  
  
  
  
  
  
The words Good Riddance was probably the most appropriate way to describe the way Susan had taken her brief encounter with Professor Snape. However, as far as she was concerned a co-worker was a co-worker and she had easily avoided them in the past.  
  
  
  
  
  
Locking the door behind her Susan made her way to the Great Hall.   
  
  
  
**********   
  
  
  
Again, sorry for the Lateness of this chapter ^^;;; but anyways read, enjoy and hopefully review! 


	4. Musings

Yes Miss Susan  
  
Ok I don't own Harry Potter or Discworld so no sue.  
  
Susan from Discworld becomes the new defense against dark teacher...need I say more  
  
**********  
  
Susan closed her eyes and started walking down the hall towards the staff lounge. She, Susan was not by nature a social person. This was probably due to her heritage; sometimes she had the tendency to make people somewhat nervous. Thus her history with parent-teacher meetings was not good. Susan found that she had the power to make almost anyone sit in a perfect upright position as if they were scared of getting detention; EVEN if they were already out of school. Well except for maybe one person... Then again.  
  
Could Death be counted as a person?  
  
Shaking her head Susan let go of her musings and continued down the hall, it was better to think on the task at hand. Like had the Wizarding world-  
  
Susan's thoughts corrected themselves; had the Wizards HERE had the sense to ban and destroy all chocolate with nogurt in it? Probably not she thought answering her own question; nogurt seemed to have this effect on most people. It made people like its disgustingly sticky change from real chocolate. This was of course unlike the changes occurring now. People in general were starting to notice them, and when people in general started to notice things that meant trouble.  
  
Most people found a way to disbelieve everything that didn't want to believe but this time something was making them believe. Susan had a fairly good idea that the certain 'something' wasn't acting in the best interests of well, everything.  
  
As Susan neared the Staff lounge she put her witch's hat on and became 'professor Sto-Helit'. It looked like her thoughts would have to wait.  
  
**********  
  
Professor Snape lurked against the wall; he had just had a five hour debate with McGonagall on the odds that Slytherin would win the quiddich cup this year. His argument hadn't gone so well, Mogonogal had simply pointed out the he had already lost three years running and that it was better to give up while he was ahead. So Professor Snape was lurking against a wall ready to take out his temper on the next person he came in contact with.  
  
It was then that Professor Sto-Helit walked into the room. Almost on impact she was bombarded with welcomes and other forms of greetings. Snape smirked; at least he wasn't in her position.  
  
For some odd reason beyond his knowledge Snape was compelled to look up at the raven statue on the mantle piece. Hadn't it always been there?  
  
Still he mused, somehow it just didn't fit.  
  
Deciding he was being stupid he ignored this sudden, out of character impulse and went about things as usual. This also translated as 'back to lurking'.  
  
**********  
  
Frankly Susan had tired to talking to these people hours ago; she had already formed an opinion on each of them within a few minutes of talking and just wanted to go back to her quiet room. She was also allocating her time from talking (not very enthusiastically though) and shooting warning glances/glares between the odd little skeleton statue on the table beside the chair and that curious Raven statue on the mantle piece.  
  
"Why" she muttered. "Do they always follow me?"  
  
"What did you say" Professor Binns asked floating along side her "Didn't hear you"  
  
Professor Binns had taken quite a liking to Susan, he couldn't explain it but she seemed to have a certain aura that suggested she knew a lot about death. Professor Binns fought back an uncanny urge to say "Which death?"  
  
**********  
  
The turtle. Now by saying the turtle it was meant THE turtle. The great A- Tuin (sex unknown) shifted uncomfortably for the first time in its unnaturally long life. "Was it just it, or was the world slightly heavier now?  
  
**********  
  
SORRY! I know this is incredibly and unforgivably late but yr 12 does not give you much time to write at your own leisure! Other than that my only excuse is my computer crashing AGAIN (what's this; the third time?) and me losing all files and copies of every story I have ever written. And no, I could not be bothered to create backups and not I am being punished for it.  
  
This isn't really a chapter but it's something isn't it? I just felt I needed to put something up for all those readers who have probably given up hoping that me, the incredibly lazy authoress Pebbles-Sama would get up off her lazy but and adjourn to the computer to write for them. As I said before, it's not much but at least something's been updated. I PROMISE you'll all get more of a chapter soon... when I finish that pile of assignments due in two weeks.  
  
Pebbles-Sama  
  
Ps I think I spelt the turtles name wrong but I couldn't be bothered to go find a book and check. Once again, this is due to me being lazy. 


End file.
